A child’s sense of stability can be measured by the love and joy its family shows to each other. Although many other outside influences contribute, no other is more profound in forming this foundation than moms and dads.
So parents, here’s the bottom line. Whether your child’s foundation is made of stone or sand will be determined by your actions, and not by your good intentions.
A child views her mom and dad as a single loving entity, and anything which deviates from this unity can have a devastating effect on her well-being. As family problems dominate where love once prevailed, the child’s sense of stability begins to internally disintegrate simultaneously.
As a young child, her sensitivity is keen as her radar picks up everything. An occasional argument will ripple through somewhat unnoticed, though a major ongoing problem between mom and dad is felt like a tidal wave which will reverberate through every aspect of her life.
I can’t over emphasize the importance of what a stable family means to the psyche of a child. It’s reflected through everything…self-esteem, confidence, perseverance, love, how one views the world, and more importantly…how one views herself.
To me, there is nothing sadder than a child stripped of her joy early in life from selfish, immature parents who put more emphasis on their own happiness and well-being than of their child’s. As you can see…I’m not one to tiptoe through a landmine…my concern is for the child, not the parents.
Where was I?
Without stability she’ll always feel as if she doesn’t fit in…a square peg in a round hole, you might say. Here’s the sad reality. If she feels she’s a square peg, she will eventually stumble into the “school of hard knocks” where she will find a way to fit in. Unfortunately…it’s with other square pegs…which leads me to my next point.
Everyone is drawn to a family who provides that wonderful feeling of security which fuels the core of our being. If not found at home through mom, dad, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles…it will be found elsewhere on the other end of the spectrum…in gangs, jails, prostitution or anywhere in-between.
This family, regardless of its twisted nature, replaces the one missing at home. It provides a sense of value. The problem is obvious…her upside-down family provides upside-down values…as the proverbial snowball rolls along…growing out of control.
At this point, her life is nonsensical and illogical. Up is down…down is up…as Pink Floyd’s song so perfectly describes the illusion…”comfortably numb.”
With any luck, she’ll again begin to feel life’s pain cutting like a knife as she senses a fork in the road.
I don’t know how or why some people see the light at this point, but I do know it happens…because it happened to me.
This light I speak of is shown by strangers who somehow care about you. Angels? Maybe…they manifest as teachers, social workers, mentors or your God given conscience.
Your job is to grab and hold on as tight as you possibly can to any lifeline that comes your way. If you do…you will begin to see an opening to the wonderful yet illogical process which will set you free.
The process?…coming next.
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